Relationship Troubles - Should You Yield?
Most often, when we get into a power struggle of ego with our lover during arguments and we are reluctant to give in, it can be extremely difficult for both partners to solve the problems. During these times, it’s almost sure both partners think they are correct, and attempt hard to let the other partner admit to his/her own faults.
All kinds of relationship troubles can occur as a result of the harm done by constant battle of ego between the lovers. You must then ask yourself to what degree you are willing to compromise your own values in order to preserve your relationship. How far can you afford to give yourself up in order to avoid losing your partner?
As you might have already experienced, it’s not easy to find the balance between maintaining our integrity and agreeing to disagree. To what degree can you strike a balance between your own integrity and saving your relationship, yet feel you’re not losing yourself in the process?
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Do you see the paradox in the question of whether you should give up your own integrity while still being able to preserve your relationship? Are we really saving our relationship when we are sacrificing our own integrity? The truth is, a loving relationhship really should not require us to do that. Both partners should respect each other and appreciates each other’s differences if they are really loving.
Problems in relationships become opportunities for learning and understanding. Therefore, I believe that we should look at these questions from the perspective of each person growing and learning from their differences in values, instead of looking at them in terms of bending values to accommodate another person.
Many partners in romantic relationships become much better persons and lovers when they learn and grow from their differences in relationship. When one or both partners are reluctant to see the differences as opportunities for growth, then they will have problems.
If one partner demands the other partner to accept him/her the way he/she is, and gets angry or withdrawn when the other partner attempts to discuss the situation, no learning can take place. If this continues without any change, the other partner is directly or indirectly forced to accommodate or leave, which is definitely not a healthy situation.
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Usually, romantic partners will have problems in their relationship before they learn how to handle and appreciate their differences successfully. The result will depend on what they choose to do. In general, there are two possible intents in any given moment: The intent to protect against pain or the intent to learn about love.
One will find ingenious ways to avoid dealing with relationship problems when he/she has the intention to protect himself/herself against the pains caused by relationship. Being defensive, argumentative, withdrawn, reluctant to communicate, etc. are usually the symptoms. When the partners dance around the real issues in their relationship in order to avoid the pain of facing the problems, they really lose the opportunity to learn and grow from their issues.
As a result, the partners grow more distant from each other and become more unhappy. It is important to realize that the real problem is the unwillingness of the partners to learn and grow from their differences, and the real problem is NOT the differences. Real spiritual growth and personal development occur when both partners are willing to learn from their differences and problems.
As we know, we have the power to control only ourselves, and we don’t have that control over others. Thus, it is almost impossible for us to make another person be open to learning if he/she is unwilling to do so. If you are in relationships where your partner refuses to learn and grow from the problems in relationships, then you need to be honest with yourself regarding how much of yourself you can give up and still maintain a sense of integrity. It is still worthwhile to work on the issue from your side so that your relationship can be saved as long as you do not feel that you are compromising your integrity as a person.
When you are trying to give up your own integrity in order to save your relationship, you are really indirectly hurting your relationship, and this is not healthy and a good solution to your problems in relationship. When we compromise ourselves to preserve the relationship, we will subconsciously be resentful of the relationship or our partner, and it is only a matter of time before the relationship falls apart. By no way does this mean that you must stand so firmly on your own values that you demand your partner to decide whether he/she wants to accept you or chooses to change himself/herself. Both of you must realize that real growth and love happens in relationship when both partners can successfully agree to disagree in a respectful and honest way.
I hope this article is helpful to you. Here is a website that contains my review of the best relationship problem advice products that I have come across: The Best Guides To Save Relationship.
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