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Posts Tagged ‘relationship advice’

Loving Yourself Again And Forgetting The Past Emotional Abuse

December 20th, 2009

Emotional abuse can be subtle and it has long-term effects to the person who has experienced constant criticism and accusation. It would be hard to accept your condition if you have been in an abusive relationship. This article will help you identify the problem and work over it.
You would be developing behavioral patterns like remaining aloof, having a low self-esteem and confidence and will make you hate yourself. This is prone to depression and anxiety. The scenario of you being abused will linger in your thoughts. You will be carrying this burden throughout your life and it wouldn’t be easy for you.
Emotional abuse can be traumatizing. You have to deal with this too. If only there is something that you can chew that would make it vanish forever! But that’s not exactly how it works. It is all about reframing your memories and re-shaping your mindset.
Here are some helpful steps to help you forget past emotional abuse:

 

  • They key to healing is Acceptance! You must accept that you are being abused. You will get nowhere if your mind is set into believing that abusive behavior is normal.
  • Stop feeling guilty and blaming everything to yourself!. You are not responsible for the abusive behavior of your partner.
  • What has happened; has happened. In your life, there are bad chapters that you should try to forget.
  • Be confident to yourself and realize your self worth.
  • Love yourself for what you are and try to remember the kind of person you are before.

 

You really can’t make a conscious decision to “forget” your past because healing will come with time. If you think counseling is necessary, then find a good counselor. In time you may find someone else to share your experiences with, but that’s not something you should focus on while you’re healing.

What you can do is use the information in your past to help you with your future. Healing emotional abuse requires patience and trust to yourself and others who can help you. Everything in the past will recast in a different light If you allow things to happen.

It’s important to move on, and do what you want to do with your life, and find yourself again.

To your happiness,

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Claim your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship

 

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What makes you a good enemy?

December 9th, 2009

Fighting or arguing is a part of any relationship. Conflict is inevitable for growth in your relationship. Even the strongest relationships can go through some tough times. Some relationships, if not carefully handled, can easily fall into pitfalls.
If you are in a big fight, you become an enemy in the eyes of your partner. Ask yourself: What kind of enemy I am?

Are you a good or bad enemy?

Do you avoid confrontation, escape from arguments or reject the opinion of you partner?
If you fighting your battles alone, fire against fire, or for your self-defense, or too lazy, proud or stubborn to admit things are not working right, that makes you a bad enemy.
A good enemy on the other hand, does not avoid any arguments. A good enemy listens and makes an effort to solve the conflict. If you have a strength of character and enough patience, you would be able to handle situations easily.

If you are able to do all of these, it simply shows that you are able to listen to the hidden content of the whole idea of arguing- you are able to determine what your partner is crying out for, the need for contact and the desperation for loneliness.

Signs of being a good enemy to your partner:
You always think about your partner’s feelings, if they feel good about themselves each day. - Be able to say an apology and break communication barriers - Praising your partner whenever they contributed something that helps your relationship - You acknowledge the problems in your relationship and helping you partner understand why it is important to discuss the problems. - You recognize and accept your shortcomings and think of ways for you to become a better partner - You treat your partner with respect and dignity at all times
You get caught in the stresses of daily living and dealing with a difficult partner makes it worse. but if you are able to deal with it, it shows that you have a skill of a good enemy.

The skills of a good enemy:

  • Be able to accept the things that your partner find difficult in your relationship
  • Deal with the problems in an calm and self-empowered manner
  • Even if your partner can be difficult, you are able to focus the positive energy that enhances the relationship
  • Be able to control your emotions, know when to stop and to say enough, and be able to make solid decisions
  • Willingness Negotiate a win-win soluton with your partner

You should always work through problems and settle it in a cooperative way. After all, you and your partner thrive in a mutual understanding and peaceful atmosphere. Your goal must be clear, that fighting is not to make you a bad enemy, but rather the opposite.

Is your relationship beyond repair? 
It may not be as bad as you think…as long as you still care.By applying the ideas we offer in the ebook, you will become a Positive Conflict agent, what I call being a “Good Enemy”!
Want to know more?

Neil Warner
Positive Conflicts

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of ”The Art of Positive Conflicts

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Managing Interpersonal Conflict

November 23rd, 2009

Do you feel like your are allways  avoiding conflicting situations?

Do you fear pushed to accept compromises where you don’t get your needs met?

Today I want to discuss with you how to deal with conflicting situations instead of avoiding them. You are also going to learn more ways on how to deal with handling issues and find solutions in every conflict that you encounter.

What if there are more ways of dealing with conflict, besides avoiding or denying it? Use the opportunities to strengthen and deepen your relationship adding a deeper connection and more meaning?

You may think that avoiding conflict situation to keep the peace.

But do you feel happy deep inside? Or you are just giving up your own needs of recognition and affection, in exchange of ‘peace’?

Here are some thoughts while dealing with conflictive situations:

  • You have to be able to give in once in a while. It is fair for the both of you.
  • Just agreed to avoid the silent treatment.
  • It may be best to cool it off until you are a bit calmer.
  • It is worse hearing the same things over and over again so avoid bringing up the past.

It just seems so easy to ignore the problems or just accept them, than trying to do something about your differences. Especially when you don’t know how to approach the situation.

Over the time, you fall into the habit of acceptance. At your expenses..

It will be too late for you to save your relationship if unresolved issues tend to build up inside you.

Remember: Small differences arise between people in their everyday lives. If you decide something for your relationship, then both of you should be willing to commit to the resolution that you have made. Conflict becomes necessary at times, it can help save your marriage if done in a thoughtful manner…

Meanwhile, you can wait for your next lesson, coming to your inbox soon!

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast?
Visit our site Positive Conflicts , And get your copy of The Art of Positive Conflicts

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Don’t Let Passive Aggression Ruin Your Life

November 13th, 2009

Are you feeling unhappy eventhough you are with someone whom you can share intimate moments? Do you feel that instead of making your life peaceful, your relationship becomes stressful and hard to deal with?
There are a lot of factors in your relationship that puts you in an unhappy situation. We can presume that your partner might be in a matured relationship with you but what you may not know is that he may have unresolved personal pain from childhood that makes him hard to deal with. You partner might also never learnt how to accept and manage his anger.  If you do not realize the factors at some point, you will find yourself in a more chaotic situation with your partner.
In this article, you will find out if your partner has passive aggressive tendencies harmful to your relationship. This will help you understand your relationship with your partner. If you are able to understand his past, you can stand up and regain your self-respect.
These are some signs of a person who has a passive aggressive behavior:
- Acts passive but aggressively gets what he wants - Agrees up front then doesn’t do what he agreed to and make things complicated in the end - Strikes his anger indirectly - Gets out of the situation where there is confrontation and criticism over an issue - Complaining about anything and thinks deeply how his life is being cursed
A passive aggressive person are emotionally unavailable and they usually do not get very close to anyone. They tend to reject emotional intensity and would find comfort by their inner isolation.
Emotional and contradictory messages can confuse you eventhough you try to be patient and understanding. They would blame you for making them angry. As a result, you feel rejected. You do not know how to handle and react on a conflicting situation. If you are in a negative environment, your ability to decide can be affected.
Your passive aggressive partner is confusing you that is why the situation does not improve; at some point, you explode. Over time, you will find yourself violent towards your partner as well, which was not part of your behavior before.
Do you want to regain the power to be happy in a good relationship?

If you answer YES, then you should understand that his reactions have nothing to do with YOU! He would react to whoever tries to enter into his private world. Intimacy and emotional compromise with any woman is what a passive aggressive person fears and not you. Know where you are when conflict appears and have more power to decide what is next in your life.

To your happiness,
Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions
Get your free copy of the report ‘5 Essential Skills for Happy Relationship
before I take it off line!

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Controlling Anger and Saving Your Loving Relationship

November 8th, 2009

How do you express your anger?

  • Your get “Hotheaded” and more intensely cursing and throwing things
  • You do not show anger in loud ways but you are chronically irritable and grumpy
  • Or constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments

The choices above simply shows that you have not learned how to constructively express  anger. Beacuse of this lack of means,  isn’t likely to have many successful long term relationships, simply beacuse there is no way to vent this anger, it only accumulates.
It is hard to express anger in a controlled manner. The tendency for most is to explode and rant on.
To some extent, you can do things that will take your mind off the anger.
But is walking out of the situation a healthy way? It could be a temporary measure but it is still important to express your anger and address it properly because if not, it will pile up inside you.
Why it is necessary to express your anger? If your anger is not allowed as an outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. It can create problems like getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why. Or displaying a personality that is hostile and cynical. Worst-Case scenario would be : hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Here are some simple ways to control your anger :

  • By expressing you can say what your needs are, and how to get them, without hurting others.
  • You can suppress your anger by converting it into a more constructive behavior or redirecting and focusing on something positive.
  • You can calm down by controlling your inward and outward behavior, let the feelings subside to avoid health related problems

Remember that anger is a completely normal, human expression of emotion. It can turn into a destructive, unhealthy situation when it gets out of control.

Give yourself the opportunity to express anger in a safe way, without hurting anyone else. Try to forgive the person who wronged you.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? Visit: Positive Conflicts, And get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”

You may also want to check out : Anger Management On Line for your online anger management class

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The Magic Of Making Up System Review

October 25th, 2009

No matter who you are, at some point in our lives we go through a break-up (except for extremely rare occasions). Obviously no one wants a relationship to diminish, but it’s bound to happen. However, it’s important to understand that you don’t have to give up hope. If you truly love this person, there are ways for you get them back in your life. The Magic of Making Up claims to have the answer.

Upon downloading this system, you will instantly gain access to an easy to follow love recipe. While the techniques and strategies mentioned in this system are not conventional, they will help you get back together. The worst thing that can happen is you end up back where you are; single.

There are a number of ways to benefit from the Magic of Making Up according to their system. The first goal is to get focused and channel yourself to recompose. We understand break-ups are painful at times, but having an emotional outbreak will get you nowhere in the end. Reading over this will instantly make you feel better.

Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, there are reasons that people separate from each other. There is a single reason why most men leave women and it is not because of beauty, sex or a sexier face. You will find the answer to this question along with the single facet that women crave the most. This can help you solve the answer to why your special someone left you.

It might sound crazy, but there are times when and when not to tell the other person you are sorry. Granted, sometimes it just takes one whole-hearted apology to get back together, but other times the apology can do more harm than good. This is why it’s extremely important to soak in all this information.

The next worry on the list is whether or not your ex still cares about you. It can be difficult to tell and hard to handle. The Magic of Making Up provides you with the TELL TALE clues your ex leaves behind to remind you they still care.

While many other informative pieces will take the long and drawn out road, the Magic of Making Up provides the fastest and shortest path to your ex’s heart. No one wants to break-up, and with some helpful material you can stay together. It’s time to stop dragging out this process and utilize these counter-intuitive tips. In the end you will be living a happier and fulfilling life with your better half.

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Dealing with Uncontrolled Anger

October 23rd, 2009

Is it any wonder that your strong emotion of anger may hurt, destroy, and poison a good relationship?
Can you overcome your anger, instead of constantly being overcome by it? Yes- if you start changing your attitude in mind. You must stop making an excuse for your negative temper. You must bear in mind that anger is your enemy!
Uncontrolled anger can be very devastating. It can reveal your true nature. Although it is an expression of extreme negative emotion, it shatters relationship and breeds violence.

Is It Good To “Let it Rip?”

If you are using this excuse to hurt others, what you do not know is that it escalates anger and it does not help to resolve the situation.

To solve the problem of anger you must recognize the anger within your mind. You must learn how to control your anger by applying practical methods in your daily life.

To stop your uncontrolled behavior, you must know its symptoms. You will learn how to recognize them and stop it at an early stage before it gets worse.

Here are the symptoms of uncontrolled behavior:

  • Always thinking about detailed plans to commit acts of violence
  • Threatening others
  • Failing to acknowledge the feelings of others
  • Feeling rejected
  • Withdrawal from friends
  • Loss of temper

So what is the best solution?

You should find out what causes your rage and when you do, develop strategies to control your anger.

You may also want to ask yourself these questions :

Is your anger important or reasonable enough?

Is it possible that you make the situation complicated?

Some ways to help you control your anger:

Anger Management can help you learn to control your reactions or get rid of the things that enrage you

  • Simple relaxation tools can calm down angry feelings such as deep breathing, yoga-like   exercises, visualization of a relaxed experience
  • It helps if you change your environment where you can have a fresh view of things and get away from the usual and irritating place.
  • Choose less hurtful words and don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, think carefully about what you want to say.
  • Humor can be used to help you face your problems more constructively. Don’t use sarcastic humor because it will still escalate anger
  • Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
  • Anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational so always remind yourself that you’re just experiencing some hard times in your life.

Every problem has a solution. But the best mentality is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Neil Warner
Creative Conflict Resolutions

PS: Need Results fast?
Get your copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts
You may also want to check out this online anger management class

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Conflict In Relationships

October 8th, 2009

Conflict is going to happen in any relationship.  When it does, you don’t need to shout, cry, attack, or withdraw behind a wall of silence.  And you don’t need to give up on the relationship, because your next relationship will have conflict as well.  Yu can get more True Love Advice here.

There are many things you can do to avoid killing off your relationship when conflict arises.  Learn and practice just a few of these things and you will be doing your relationship a favor.

To begin with, here’s a simple practice:  learn to breathe during an argument.  Focusing on your breathing will help you to not go too crazy, which will help you to keep things calmer with your mate.

Second, understand that conflict causes bad behavior.  We act like kids, throwing things, shouting, running away.  We revert to the emotional age of children during some arguments.

This too is harder to do than to say, but learn to not take it so personally.  A few minutes of childish behavior during an argument doesn’t define you or your mate.  You will both revert back to adults after you stop shouting.  Don’t let the bad behavior color all the good things between the two of you.  You can learn more How To Get Marriage Guidance Help here.

Another powerful thing to do with conflict is to de-escalate it.  Talk in a quieter tone of voice.  Don’t interrupt your mate. Walk away for a few minutes til you get yourself under control.  You don’t need to let arguments turn into world war three.

In line with this, learn to reconnect with your mate after an argument.  Don’t let silence or bitterness last for hours or days.  Say sorry that happened, are you okay?   Or I’m calmer now, can we talk about this?

If you can learn to breathe, learn to not take it too personally, and reconnect after a fight, you will be doing great.  There is more to dealing with conflict well, but this would be a good start.  You can get more How To Get Relationship Advice here.

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Don’t Let Anger Destroy Your Relationship

October 3rd, 2009

It is a fact, that no matter how successful you are, your happiness would still not come from money nor fame but from the relationship that you build around you.
Experience tells you that It’s not easy to build a lasting relationship. Some things happend beyond expectation and you find yourself unable to maintain your relationship.
One of the hindrances in loving relationships is anger. Anger is a powerful emotion. It is one thing that is going to do some damage whether you choose to express it or hold it.
What if you have ever loved someone who was angry at the world? Can you imagine what your life would be like in the years to come?
When one becomes really angry it creates a need to try to control everything. The effects of being angry is the damage done to the relationship. The effects of anger can progress from mild irritation, to yelling or maybe physical abuse.
You may argue or fight intensely.

But ask yourself:
Does this help your relationship?

Here’s some facts about anger and how it can destroy your relationship:

  • - If anger comes into the surface, it creates drama and crises in the situation, and lingers long after it leaves - It is fueled with a lot of negativity that it can quickly destroy a relationship that as been positive or good for a long period of time.
  • - Anger can affect self-esteem and confidence.
  • Anger can affect anything especially love, self esteem and trust.
  • Anger is full of uncertainty and fear, it makes you say and do things that you will regret.

Too much anger in your relationship can affect the intimacy between you and your partner.Because being in a critical situation will make you unhappy and cause more ill feelings towards your partner and eventually would destroy your intimacy.
Intimacy is delicate, once destroyed by anger, it affects trust and honesty. Harsh words, criticism and non-acceptance are the causes of anger and it can destroy a loving relationship.

Anger results to negative feelings.

Intimacy vanishes in a relationship if there is constant blaming and criticizing.

Accept and understand eachother to protect a truly valuable emotional bond that you have invested. Do not allow yourselves to erupt without talking what should be done to make things clear. Find ways to discuss things in a peaceful manner.

To your happiness!
Neil Warner,

PS: To know more on Anger Management,
Visit our Site “Positive Conflicts


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How to decide to make up or move on

September 28th, 2009

One of the hardest choices you will have to decide is wether or not to just move on or try to makeup.  It is a difficult decision.Of course you will find yourself with a decision to make if you were the one that got left.If you were left still with feelings for the other person it will be a very hard decision for you to make.  But really you have to see if it was something you did. Or was your significant other not in a position to settle down.

In this article let’s assume it is something you did.Maybe you weren’t faithful to them.Or maybe you just weren’t truthful a lot of times.Or maybe you were to overbearing. There are a lot of reasons.  But most of the time break up are fixable.  You just have to learn how to get ex back.There are some things you can do that work.

Where can you find some techniques.  If you do a search on the internet you will find that there a lot of resources.  Some of those resources are free.  But some of those resources will also be paid.  You can find all kinds of material that can show you how to get ex boyfriend back.Or you might be able to find some information that can show you how to get your ex back.Best approach you can take is to examine all the materials.If it seems to be something that may work try it out.

But you can also look at the paid options.There are a few good ones you out there.  Things that teach you how to get ex girlfriend back are all around. One of the advantages is you can check for testimonials.You can take a look at see if they offer a guarantee.  If your relationship is something you value it may be worth it.  After all, if it doesn’t work, the guarantee will help you get your money back.In that circumstance you reallly have nothing to lose.But if it ends up working you will have gained everything.

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